Tips for talking about changing plans with friends and family
If you've made plans for an in-person dinner with other households this Thanksgiving, consider opting out or switching to a virtual celebration.
For those who choose to gather, take steps to make your event safer, including staying outdoors, keeping your group small, and asking guests to keep masks on at all times except when actively eating and drinking.
COVID-19 is surging across the region, state, and nation. Statewide, test positivity rates have risen over 50% in the past two weeks, while hospitalizations are up over 80%. After eight months of limiting our movements and interactions, it's normal to be fatigued with COVID precautions. But with the virus deeply embedded in our community, risk of contracting or infecting others with COVID-19 is significantly higher now than early in the pandemic when restrictions were much stricter.
Take time to have what state officials call a "COVID chat" about gathering with others.
Traditional Thanksgiving gatherings are high risk environments
COVID-19 spreads easily between people, and as many as half of those infected have no symptoms. Social gatherings are a significant source of COVID-19 spread, and we have consistently seen spikes in cases following holidays when people tend to gather, including Memorial Day, July 4, Labor Day, and Halloween.
Traditional Thanksgiving dinners bring together many of the factors that create the highest risk environments - mixing many households indoors, often in a crowded space, without masks. When eating and drinking in a large group, people may yell or laugh exuberantly, both of which cause us to expel respiratory particles more forcefully, which increases risk of COVID-19 spread.
Negative test results are not a free pass
Thanksgiving gatherings are risky even for those who have recently been tested. A negative test result is not clearance to gather without precautions.
Tests are a snapshot in time. It can take as long as 14 days to become infectious after you've been exposed to COVID-19. Unless you have been in strict home quarantine for 14 days before your test, you could test negative on Tuesday and still infect others when gathering on Thursday.
Strategies for talking friends and family about alternative plans
Saying no to people we love is never easy. Suggesting a change in plans may mean disappointing loved ones. If you've agreed to attend or host a gathering, City and State public health officials have some strategies that may help when declining an invite or canceling an event:
- Prepare ahead of time. Write down your reasons for switching to a safer Thanksgiving. If you're anxious about the conversation, gain confidence by rehearsing what you will say on your own or with a friend, partner, or in the mirror.
- Be firm and direct. State your decision clearly at the beginning of the conversation. If you stall or waver, you may give the impression that you are open to negotiation.
- Acknowledge your own sadness. Make it clear that you are avoiding gatherings because of the virus, not because of your feelings about the person you are speaking with. If you are sad and disappointed to not be celebrating together, say so. Tell them you miss them and that you are tired of the pandemic too.
- Stay focused on your own comfort level. Be clear that you are making a personal decision based on your own risk tolerance. Use I statements. Don't get into a debate about the seriousness of COVID-19. It may help to frame your decision around concern for others, such as "I don't want to be responsible for putting you at risk."
- Listen. Loved ones who were looking forward to seeing you may be hurt, disappointed, or angry at a change in plans. Take the time to listen to them and acknowledge their emotions without arguing. Be understanding if they need time to process their feelings.
- Suggest alternatives - and follow through. Remind them that you still care about them and that there are other ways to stay connected. Offer to host a video call while cooking or eating dinner, or to drop off their favorite dish. Even if they are not interested in a virtual Thanksgiving, you can make an effort to call or text to say hi more often.
Take steps to reduce risk at gatherings
If you do attend an in-person gathering, take steps to lower risk:
- Keep the group small. The more different households mix together, the greater the risk. Stick to a stable group of 2 or 3 households.
- Stay outside. During the pandemic, outdoors is safer than indoors. Consider moving your dinner plans to earlier in the day, when it will be sunny and warm.
- Wear masks. Everyone should keep masks on except when actively eating or drinking. People who are at high risk due to age or underlying health conditions should wear surgical masks or respirators, if possible.
- Watch the time. End your event after 2 hours. The longer a group spends together, the greater the risk of spread.
COVID-19 doesn't take holidays off. For the health of our whole community, please reconsider plans to gather in person on Thanksgiving and take steps to limit the risk if you do attend an event.
